|
I have decided to tribute my on-going work to my father, Robert Nathanson who sadly took his own life last week after a long bout with depression.
In trying to make sense of this, I will integrate the tragedy into my own life's work - helping mid-life adults gain more fulfillment and meaning from their lives. This too-close, too-personal example is what can occur when a person lives without purpose, without fulfillment, and without meaning. So perhaps in some way, by discussing my dad's death, I can help prevent another person's depression from getting too far out of control. No one should lose sight of the beauty and gift of living.
Several years ago, as the dad of three growing children, I wrote an article about fatherhood. Frankly, I wasn't sure who to share the article with. Now, with my own father's death, I've decided to share the article with you. It's something that might be useful for both fathers and mothers.
By bringing these memories back into today, in honor of my own late father and my current role as a father myself, I can appreciate what I have. Maybe you, too, can relate.
- Craig Nathanson, August 2004
The Joys of Fatherhood
Craig Nathanson
I’ve been thinking about the joys of fatherhood, so I wrote something to help me reflect. I’d like to share it with you. Perhaps you can reflect as well. For moms, simply replace the word “father” with “mother” and the story becomes yours.
If only I had read the book about fatherhood, I would have...
– Known what to expect. Maybe then, I’d have all the right answers at just the right moments!
– Known when to listen, when to speak, when to give my opinion, and when to ask questions.
– Practiced more, gotten into shape, and been more consistent.
If I had read the book, I would have …
– Made a few less hard pancakes.
– Tightened a few more bolts myself and hired out less.
– Learned how to balance the art of listening and the desire to solve. Too often I’ve told my children exactly the “right” answer before they’ve finished telling me their problem.
If I had read the book, I would have …
– Known that when a child speaks, it’s time to listen. That’s EVEN if a game is on, if I’m tired after a long day, or if tomorrow would have been a better day to talk.
– Known to treasure the special moments of laughing, wrestling, and telling silly stories.
If I had read the book, I would have …
– Known in advance that it takes about 35 minutes to clean silly putty off the floor, about 45 minutes to get crayon marks off the wall, and about a week to get expert help if the two are combined with paint.
– Known what to do when the diapers ran out in the middle of a park on a beautiful summer day. Time management skills, perseverance, and a little luck couldn’t necessarily carry me through this one.
– Known though that a smile ALWAYS helps.
If I had read the book, I would have …
Surely known to get less sleep, spend more time with my spouse discussing consistent parenting strategies, and then – armed together with such strategies – faced the morning with vigor. (At least through breakfast, anyway!)
Speaking of breakfast: If I had read the book, I would have …
Known that you make sure the entire family eats your specialty dish, despite protests and questions like: “What IS that?”
If I had read the book, I would have …
– Known to stay awake at Monday night scout meetings and Saturday morning soccer practice.
– Known to share the Gerber bananas a little bit more with the rest of the family.
If I had read the book, I would have …
– Known that children might listen to the words, but they pay more attention to your actions.
– Known that it’s a good thing to share your hopes and dreams with your kids because it helps them develop their own.
And right now …
If I could, for just a moment, leap forward in time, I would rock back and forth in my rocking chair. At age 90, what would I know about fatherhood? Well I’d know that fatherhood is both an accomplishment and a process. I don’t remember much about the long days at the office, the mounds of paperwork, and the long business trips. I do remember the trips to the ice cream shop, the soccer games, the birthday parties, and the baby formula stain on my clean shirt during the ever-so-important presentation.
So maybe if I had read the book, I would have …
Been smarter, and been prepared with all the right moves at all the right times. I would have been calm or stern, whenever required. Perhaps. But I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed myself quite as much.
If I had read the book …
I might have missed the point that fatherhood is not something that can be acted, rehearsed, or imagined. It must be experienced each and every moment of each and every day. I might have missed all the cuddles, all the smiles, and the chance to share with you what I know about the joys of fatherhood!
back to top |
